Punctuation Mark.

Tonight was the last night of my short and very sweet lived experience as a performer. Granted, I am not and have never wanted to be a performer, but this PERFORMANCE was a very small part of a show of moms. Moms sharing their stories, perspectives, ups, downs, struggles, triumphs, uncertainties.

Moms sharing, or expressing rather, Motherhood.

My piece was short.

And I went last.

Very much like the punctuation mark to something beautiful with it’s whole being greater than the sum of each one of it’s AMAZING and inspiring parts, that began with a song.

Literally.

A song about a mini-van no less.

Six nights of sharing, bonding, creating, experiencing and Expressing Motherhood.

I was scared to begin, but now, I am just a little sad that it is over…

I began, not knowing what I was getting myself into, but ended feeling little more fulfilled, connected, creative and grateful to have had the chance to…

Express Motherhood

Punctuation Mark.

Cookies and candies and cakes...

OH MY!!!

Missing you all and wishing you blessings and holiday spirit and joy...Can't wait to return and provide a new perspective...

Surrender...

That seems to be my lesson for today.

And I think, maybe...this time...this day...

I just may have passed.

Today...

I remembered the importance of SLOWING DOWN. Of being a mommy. Of baking cookies and allowing messiness. Of singing silly made-up songs and ignoring the piles of unfolded laundry. Of staying in pajamas way passed breakfast.
I called in sick to work (I AM sick, but rarely call in sick when I am), relinquished To-Do lists, let go of all the "shoulds" and "supposed toos" I have been holding on to and just WAS.
And well...I enjoyed myself and my day with Sonia...immensley. I enjoyed myself far more than I think I should have, yet felt no hint of guilt.

Today, I was just a mommy. Happy. Centered. Present...

Perfect.

Today...

Well, today...

I'll remember.

Perfect Mom...

Before I was a mom, I was THE. PERFECT. MOM.

Before I was a mom my children NEVER watched television.

They never ate any food that was not organic and definitely not food that was processed.

They never played with toys that were plastic and made noises...just wooden toys...that fostered imagination an facilitated development.

They never watched television or listened to music or ate anything with sugar.

And NOW...that I AM A MOM,my children have done ALL OF THESE THINGS.

I SO am far from being the PERFECT MOM.

Before I was a mom, I was the perfect mom.

Now I'm a mom...far from perfect.

I think I may have evolved.

Two...

That is how many Christmas gifts I have purchased so far.

Oh wait. This isn't Facebook?

I Am Writer...

"I AM A Writer"

Pheew!!!

I said it.

Or rather, wrote it.

But more to the point, I'm trying to OWN IT.

Needless to say, once upon a time (or approximately a year or so ago), I was watching Sonia and was touched and inspired and I wrote a little something in my journal...

THEN...

well then, nothing.

I changed diapers, went to work, made dinner, did laundry, did more laundry and then did even MORE laundry.

Oh...and I picked up toys...occasionally. (Mostly I just tripped over them).

UNTIL one night after a glass of wine, while surfing the web (oh yes, I can drink wine and web surf!) I found a request for submissions to perform for Expressing Motherhood. To stand up on a stage a and read/perform something I write...

EEEWWWW!

I HATE stages. I HATE performances. I HATE the spotlight. I HATE the thought of anyone hearing or reading ANYTHING I have written. I am terribly introverted, shy, private and yet...

I AM A WRITER.
Soooo...I attatched my simple journal entry, forgetting, detatching from the outcome, enjoying mommyhood...

Until...I recieved an e-mail telling me my submission was chosen...

And I'll save you the drama other than to let you know that in January I will stand on a stage, reciting my humble and VERY short journal entry about an epiphany I had about being a mom. Half Hoping that no one I know will be there, half hoping everyone I know will be there to support me...stretching, growing, standing.

I. AM. A. WRITER.

This is my debut

A less than crazy birth...

Should you want to make people look at you as if you are crazy...and even express it out loud...tell them you have decided to give birth to your baby in your home with a midwife. In fact I can guarantee you will hear all the "if we were'nt in the hospital...would've (really bad thing)..." and other related yet horrific stories.

I am not a sensationalist or even a vegetarian...but after multiple birthing books and extensive research, I made the unorthodox decision to give birth to my baby at home. I didn't want to be supressed and dictated by doctors in white coats as to what I was Supposed to do and I wanted my baby to enter the world surrounded by people who loved him/her. So needless to say, I gave birth to my baby in the privacy and comfor of my own home.

So call me "crazy" for forgoing the epidural and doctors and monitors and hospital gowns...

Without drugs.

Without Doctors.

Without monitors.

But...

I had candles, and Miles Davis and a warm and comfortable birthing tub and my supportive husband and two midwives who knew me well and respected me and my body's ability to give birth without intervention and drugs. And now the amazing memory of bringing my daughter into this world peacefully and gently, surrounded by love...

I cannot imagine anything less 'crazy'...